I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
