I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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