i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
