i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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