Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
