I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
