he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
