I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
