i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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