i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
