my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Fuck appropriateness.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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