LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
