I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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