I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
