She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
