I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
