They should really pass out barf bags in church
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
