Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize