I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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