I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
