Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
