Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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