Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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