Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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