that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
