please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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