Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
