Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
