and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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