been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize