Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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