So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
