my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
A+ Viking dick
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize