The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
