I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
