I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize