My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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