Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
