Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
