I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
your like the ambassador to my penis.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize