She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just had sex on a roof
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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