I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
