The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
