yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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