so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Rumble strips road head = magical
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
