so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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