She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
