Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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