please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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