Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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