I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
