We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
