1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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