Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
