I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
