Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
