I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
