just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
