This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
