New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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