is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
