im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize