i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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