Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
