i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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