Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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