and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
