Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what day is it and did you see me today?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
