hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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