Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
