I wish I could punch you in the face.
Say something about gay babies.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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